The Mixin' Kitchen 22 -- On the Road

A apecial edition of the The Mixin’ Kitchen, as I go on the road with Ciggi Burns and the fine London Ladies Windy Miller and Wild Westy, with a special visit to MC Jack in the Box. Touring the California coast with hurricane-like conditions one night, vistas that inspired breathlessness and tears, the constant companionship of hawks, fine vintage Cuvee, and an abundance of good cheer! (Voice overs were recorded on the road too — so please excuse fidelity issues.)

The Mixin' Kitchen 21 -- The Glass is Full

When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. - Charles A Beard

Heart-Warming Sun and a Gentle Breeze

     I woke up feeling pretty crappy today -- depressed, anxious, disappointed. My usual positive point of view darkened by the situation with my car dying, our financial reality and T.'s bad attitude. And then there's the feeling of a lack of sympathy and comfort.
     I did seek comfort in biscuits, which while comforting at first -- slightly salty, a bit of crunch on the outside, soft fluffy and warm on the inside, the butter clarifying as it melts into the center -- just became another symbol of my misery and the tendency toward excess which got me into this emotional state in the first place as I ate way too many biscuits, so that on top of everything else, I suffer remorse and shame for my appetites.
     As I poured myself coffee this morning, my mind raced through my miserable thoughts playing scenarios of avoidance ("I'm not going to talk to anyone today") to scenarios of confrontation ("I want to talk to you! You are just so. . .") My misery itself a source of conflict as I thought of my friend who recently lost her husband and is struggling with her grief over that tragic death; and another friend who has no money whatsoever but rich, rich aspirations; and another who negotiates his nuerosis and health and personal mess as best as he can. In reality, I have nothing to complain about, and yet. . .this moment, quite frankly, is challenging.
     I took my misery, my coffee and a book into the garden. The garden is fragrant with pink jasmine and lemon blossoms. A chorus of birds call and respond, hidden in the trees of our garden and our neighbor's, their songs the conversation of spring which has arrived with heart-warming sun and a gentle breeze so that within moments of sitting in the comfortable garden chair with my feet propped up, the the dire misery I was almost relishing started to dissipate and the beauty that I noticed in the minutae of our little messy backyard delighted me!
     The succulents in pots on the patio have all grown and those with variegated leaves are particularly charming, reminding me of the finish of vintage pottery -- red-lined yellow leaves blending into green, pink blushed tips, and the silver sentinels of the ice plant. The mallow has grown so now it is a screen across the ragged wood fence making me wish we had planted it across the entire far side, its flowers delicate and lovely magenta-centered-pink mandala's, friendly and lovely. The penis flower bush is erect, almost ready to show its colors, the flower stalks tall, firm, but not yet showing their purple burst. Cat mint is growing back, lush and green at the foot of the lavendar which is sprawling, a hotbed of bee activity. The butterfly bush seems to yet again have expanded its girth. H. placed the bird bath where the pomegranate tree was before we moved it to the front and it makes a terrific focal point with artemesia and licorice flanking its base. And I consider the improvements I would like to make -- replace the bench that was moved when we cleared up, add more irisina, plant white lantana under the lemon tree. . .such forward thinking thoughts themselves a harbinger of hope.

(Photo courtesy of Phil Sellens via flickr)

The Mixin' Kitchen 20 -- Spring

Spring has returned. The earth is like a child that knows poems. Rainer Maria Rilke.

You can listen by visiting ccmixter.org or by playing below.

I Am Breathing

I got stronger medicine.  It works.  I finally, finally feel better -- my energy, enthusiasm, and motivation have all returned.  Perhaps, even too, inspiration is making its way back in.  It is almost spring.  The pink jasmine is bursting into bloom.  This past Sunday, we roto-tilled the front as we move forward on our plan to replace the lawn with a mediterranean meadow that will  use less water, yet weeds are already making their way back -- the sun and nutritious earth promoting their rapid growth.

This week, I started laying down vocal tracks for the latest song we are working on for our album project.  I have started my secret remix.  I have started thinking about T.'s birthday and how quickly she has grown up.  I visited my dear friend whose husband committed violent suicide the week before.

Tonight, I am in San Francisco.  I am alone. As I flew up, I was mesmerized by the view of the earth below me.  The mountains were craggy, sharp as garden rocks, the edges honed by shadows.  I tried to identify the landscape as we flew but I do not think I was terribly successful.  There were unfamiliar mountain ranges dotting the earth, dusted with snow so that they resembled a disastrous attept at cake -- lumpy and uneven, but delectible nonetheless with the promise of powdered sugar sweetness.  As we approached Oakland, we were parellel with wisps of cloud in an otherwise clear cloud.  Wisps of cloud that seemed to race us like ghosts.

After I arrived and checked into the hotel,  I wandered the streets for a while. The tourists were so easy to identify -- I wondered if I seemed like a tourist.  Although I am a native Californian, I am most certainly a southern Californian having spent my entire life living in Los Angeles.  Yet, I did not have a map in my hand as I walked.  On the other hand, I also did not walk with a real purpose or destination -- perhaps a dead giveway of my non-local status.  I considered going out for a drink, a bite to eat.  But I really cannot tolerate eating in a restaurant by myself.  While I thoroughly enjoy good food, it is a pleasure I prefer to share with others, or at least privately with the distraction of reading material or my computer. . .so I didn't go out to eat which may be a bit of a tragedy as San Francisco is a foodie city.  Although after walking around for an hour, and being solicited for money at least 10 times in that short period of time, I was happy to return to the hotel where I had an overpriced but delicious glass of wine and cesar salad with salmon. 

I do value solitude.  To be alone with my inner voice is a pleasure.  I love to be able to visit with myself in that way.  But at the end of the day, I sure wish H. was with me as the room is comfortable and luxurious, and would be better off shared.

The Mixin Kitchen 19 - Feelin' Groovy

Feelin’ groovy! Infused with the groove, the urge to move, and adding cheer to your mood!

You can listen by visiting ccmixter.org or by playing below.

It is Time for Stronger Medicine

So far, this year has been fraught with one illness after another.  No matter how they start -- ear ache, sore throat -- they all end up in my sinuses and reside there for weeks at a time.  And this year, just when I thought I could see the light, I get nailed again.  At this point, I am discouraged, disgruntled and depressed trying to resolve sinus infection number three. 

As I drove home from work yesterday, my eye was struck by the beauty of the green carpeted hills that were slipping in dusk under a thickly clouded sky, heavy with a taste of rain that may or may not come.  I was driving in a technocolor movie set where the expansive beauty of the sky and the hills could only have been created by masterful artisans.  By my heart was not really open to what that felt like. I saw it.  I did not feel it.  That added to my dismay.  I am too stuffed up to feel that which inspired me.

I will see the doctor this afternoon.  I will get anxious as I wait.  I will probably even feel clearer as my adreline will be slightly pumped up by the anticipation of seeing the doctor. I will feel guitly for being there, as if somehow I should not be taking up the doctor's time.  But at this point, as I have not seen the doctor since January when this all started with an ear infection (which at that time, had not yet landed in my sinus), I am resigned to the fact that stronger medicine is required. I have tried a gazillion over the counter, home and alternative remedies.  At the point, I just need stronger medicine.

Meanwhile, my creative activities have been hampered.  I had a day or two in the past couple of months when I was able to sing -- but even those efforts still have some lingering evidence of post-nasal drip.  Also, my energy for such work is completely compromised.  I managed to participate in some big projects -- Box, Window, Door, two impov performances, several podcasts have been delivered (with distinctly adenoidinal voice overs) -- but I was immediately slammed after each effort with a relapse.  I thought I had given myself time and permission to recover, likening the sinus infection to an apt analaogy; after a remarkable year of incredible activity, I needed to take some time to breathe.  I was comfortable shutting down for a week or two -- but this is now too much. 

Spring is imminent and I want my heart to be open to all spring offers -- its delight, its promise, its potential.

The Mixin' Kitchen 18 -- Oceans

This kitchen is afloat.

On Life’s vast ocean diversely we sail, Reason the card, but passion is the gale.

Alexander Pope

You can listen by visiting ccmixter, via iTunes (search ccmixter), or with the player below.

The Mixin' Kitchen 17 -- Time

“All that really belongs to us is time; even he who has nothing else, has that.” — Baltasar Gracian

You can listen at ccmixter, via iTunes (search ccmixter), or via the player below.

The Mixin' Kitchen 16 -- Rain

“Into each life some rain must fall.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

You can listen at ccmixter, via iTunes (search ccmixter), or the player below.

The Mixin' Kitchen 15 -- Birds and Bees

Birds and Bees -- Literal and Fantastic

You can listen at ccmixter , via iTunes (just search ccmixter), or by using the handy player below.

The Mixin' Kitchen 14 -- The Kitchen Sink

The “Kitchen Sink” episode featuring a non-thematic and rather eclectic stew of some of my favorite songs. Happy new year!

You can listen by visiting ccmixter or by downloading the podcast via iTunes. Or by the magic player below!

WE START AS A WHITE CUBE. . .

It started as playful banter between myself and the brilliant architect and it turned into the most powerful creative project I have been involved in to date.  The light of connection shined brightly as 68 musicans created 94 original tracks as part of The White Cube Remix project.  And although it is my voice that is in the "foreground," in conjunction with the "background" of ambient beauty that starts with Gurdonark's samples, this project is so very much about the creative collective that ccmixter brings together. The amount of enthusiasm, interest, delight, inspiration and good will generated from this project has been astounding.


As the remixes started coming in at the inception of the project, I was energized and alert, my breath in that constant state of almost being held as my heart stopped until it had to start again.  It was the feeling of being in love;  anticipation and infatuation and devotion to this process that became explosive in and of itself, proving that connection, in this case through sound and respect, is indeed a transformative light.  I fell deeper and deeper and deeper in love.


And I learned through conversation with others involved, that I was not the only one experiencing this sensation.  Many of us recognized that we were witnessing the emergence of something extraordinarily powerful.  Those present at the RAM Galleri during the opening have shared with me that the energy contained in this project was palpable -- perhaps not comprehensible, but it was as tangible as light itself.


With my friends and colleagues, we have tried to analyze the experience; what about The White Cube Remix created this unique sensation that we could only attempt to describe, its potentency and vibrancy quite unique  We recognized that we were witnessing the idealism of the sharing culture movement in action as the ideas and music flowed between us. 


People were thinking about the intentions of the exhibition itself -- to explode/implode the white cube, and what that meant.  People expressed how they were inspired by a phrase or specific notion expressed in the white cube poem.  People shared that they were simply excited to think that their music would be playing in an art gallery far far away from where they lived and that, in itself, was just so cool!  Most importantly, people were clearly thinking, clearly inspired on a personal level by the creative opportunity presented by this project.


Perhaps it was the inclusive nature of this project.  The criteria to have one's song played in the gallery was quite simple: the remix had to contain either (or both) of the samples created by Gurdonark or me and it had to be uploaded to ccmixter by December 7.  We preferred uploads with an attribution-only license as an expression of our support for sharing culture, and to facilitate future use of the material (we intend to release The White Cube Remix), but that was not required to be part of the sonic installation.  As a collaborative work, TWC Remix strikes me as being unique as it is a collection of complete works versus the result of a myriad of individuals contributing "parts" to a whole.  It is a "whole" created by an amalgamation of other "wholes."  Each mix is like a self-sufficient cell, that when combined with other cells, creates an organism quite distinct from its cellular structure.


On of the goals of The White Cube Remix was to demonstrate how an open, international collective of artists could not only transform traditional notions of what it means to experience a gallery space, but what it means to be part of an international community whose reach, through technological advances, becomes both broader and closer.  ccMixter is an outstanding example of how technology brings people together through a creative process into relationship.  It is a light that traverses space and time.


I am still trying to fully understand The White Cube Remix.  I have been infused with inspiration, awe and gratitude for being part of something that provided not only an exquisite creative opportunity, but the chance to enter into new relationships, and explore existing relationships, which is really what it's ultimately all about -- being connected in light and love.

* * *

Special thanks to Professor Rolf Gerstlauer, the curator of RAM Galleri's 20th anniversary exhibition, for opening the window to the white cube and inviting us in.  Special thanks to Robert Nunnally (Gurdonark) for being a most splendid partner in this project, and an ongoing inspiration through the many beautiful ways in which he expresses himself.  Special thanks to Per Teglestrom (St. Paul) for attending The White Cube Remix opening,  Special thanks to Emily Richards and Jason Brock for bringing the enthusiastic support of ArtisTech into this project, and supplying resources and manpower where needed. Special thanks to Kristine Fresvig and Eli of the RAM Galleri for inviting us into the space. Special thanks to Erik and Inger and our other Norwegian friends who helped make The White Cube Remix happen.

And most importantly, special thanks to the ccmixter community that demonstrates on a daily basis the beauty of creative sharing.

12.17.09 -- AN EXTRAORDINARY DAY

The White Cube Remix project opened at RAM Galleri. I have been overwhelmed with love for this project, what it represents, the people involved.  Playful banter turned into the most significant creative work I have been involved in to date.

My partner, Gurdonark (Robert Nunnally) and I created a blog to describe and track The White Cube Remix project.  You can fine it here.

Bob wrote eloquently about his experience of the opening on his blog here.

My dear friend, St. Paul (Per Teglestrom) wrote about his first-hand experience of going to Oslo to the opening here. (And he includes pictures too!)

RAM Galleri posted the video of the opening on its blip.tv page here.

* * *

Today is also my 20th wedding anniversary. H. broke the rule and gave me a sparkling gift anyway.  We drank martnis and had a lovely meal together.  Next weekend, we will go to Cambria together for a romantic getaway.

* * *

This has been an extraordinary day. I am too busy at work to write properly about it.  And I need to process the power of The White Cube Remix as well as the depth of celebrating my love.

The Mixin' Kitchen 13 -- December Chill

December Chill. Smooth tracks to warm a winter chill and relax by during the holiday season selected from uploads on ccmixter.org of this December and Decembers past.

You can listen here or via itunes (just search ccmixter).

Lucky

It was dark already. T. was driving home from school, observing the speed limit as she always does since getting her first speeding ticket earlier in the year. Suddenly, Lucky dashed under her wheel and she could not stop in time to avoid hitting him.  The people who belonged to Lucky do not speak English. Fortunately, a neighbor was there who was able to translate. T. called me, almost hysterical.  My heart was in my throat when I heard her voice, but I was soon relieved when I heard she had hit a dog and had not been in some kind of terrible accident where she or any other people were hurt.  I rushed to meet her.  The family and neighbors were on the street.  A young man was huddled over the body of the dog, sobbing.  I took the dog and the mother in my car and drove to the veterinary hospital. The son, a young woman who at first I believed to be his sister, but later began to think was his girlfriend, and an older man followed in a separate car.  The mother did not speak English. I have been to this partciular vet hospital a lot lately as my cat had an injury that required a number of visits. The lady at the front desk recognized me.  She discussed treatment options with the family, including euthanasia.  They called their father in Guatamala.  They decided to treat the dog.  The estimated cost was approximately $1000.  The vet required a $500 deposit.  They had no money.  T. offered to pay, but as she does not have a checking account or her own credit card, of course, I paid the deposit. The young man, after ignoring us all evening, finally thanked us for our kindness. His gesture made T. well up, tears streaming down her face as she expressed how sorry she was for what happened. He could see that she is just a young girl, but did not have the grace or compassion to offer any words of comfort to her, or to even accept responsibility for the fact that his dog was let out, at night, on a busy street, without a leash. T. and I left, grateful to get home and into our pajamas, with our cats and our comfort.  I called to follow up with the vet.  I learned that Lucky did not make it.  I became incredibly sad about the whole evening.  I would not have minded spending $500 if Lucky lived, but somehow feel awful on so many levels that he died.  In theory, I support being compassionate and strive to model that for my children; I thought nothing in the moment of trying to help.  But now, I just feel irritable and depressed.

The Mixin' Kitchen 12 -- Supplications

Supplications. At this time of Thanksgiving, a moment of reflection, and hopefully grace.

You can listen here or via itunes (just search ccmixter).

The Mixin' Kitchen 11 -- Ladies Rule!!!

The ladies of  ccMixter are rockin' it in this episode of The Mixin' Kitchen.  While the voices of the ladies are regularly picked up and mixed up, the majority of the remixers/producers at ccMixter are men.  However, lately, the ladies have been cuttin' loose and beaking out to make a strong presence as producers. 

You can listen at ccMixter by clicking here or listen via itunes (just search for ccMixter).

The White Cube Remix Project

I was invited with Gurdonark to spearhead a sonic installation for an art gallery in Oslo, Norway by coordinating the efforts of the ccMixter community. Gurdonark and I drafted an announcement seeking remixes of source material we created specifically for the project (my spoken word a capella and Gurdonark's ambient sample pack) and a blog where we posted additional information. 

The response of the ccMixter community has me reeling.  Mixters seem absolutely thrilled to be a part of this sonic installation, and the enthusiasim, the inspiration this project seems to have generated makes me giddy.  The mixes so far are gorgeous. I feel like I'm in love!

The Mixin' Kitchen 10 -- Halloween in the Kitchen

 Ghosts and vampires, shadow and shiver
A chill in the air that makes you quiver.
Disembodied voices, tinkling keys — these are the sounds of Halloween.
So come into my kitchen, with your bag full of sweets
And lets enjoy some tricks and treats 

You can listen to my latest podcast at ccMixter

or via itunes (just search ccmixter)